Grace, Made Sufficient in Weakness… – How to Deal with Suicide
February 18, 2009
pwnickydesu
Anyway, I can’t talk about all of it because it would take so much time to describe how awesome each day of my life is, but I really feel compelled to share about how incredibly happy I am. I was talking to my roommate the other day, about how we can become so easily frustrated with God, particularly when something in our life doesn’t necessarily go the way that we would want it to. In this anger, we forget about all the good things that we have in life, and how amazingly God has blessed us. I tried to sum up my life when I was talking to Kat, one of my roomie’s, the other night, in just a few sentences, and all the things that came out of my mouth were such obvious reasons to praise God!! I am blessed in ABUNDANCE with amazing friends, more than I can handle, almost, because they are all so loving and attentive!!! I live in a lovley, big old house, next to a Beautiful River, in a peaceful area that is not too far from central Tokyo!!! I have a great job, and amazing students, who are just so sweet and simultaneously, hilarious!! (Teaching English!! I tell ya!! It is, by definition, amusing!!) I have an AMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZING Church that I just love so much and can’t get enough of!! And, despite life’s little worries and fleetings moments of emotionally-charged woe, that pass quickly through God’s help and through the fact that they’re just not worth worrying about, I am NEVER truly worried!! It’s a waste of time and it even says in the Bible that there’s no point worrying about tomorrow!! Probably says it in a pop song or two also, and Bob Marley sang about it, too…but I can tell you which source has been around for longer!!! The Word of God is SO amazing!! So many people may view it as a ‘Bad Book’, a set of rules, or a list of constraints, a way to make life less fun. The Bible is the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of boring and, rather than finding it full of rules, I’ve found that it is FULL of AWESOME advice!! For anything!!! Problems with co-workers, or with work in general, relationship problems – either familial or in a romantic sense – problems that come BEFORE a relationship has even started (as in, you like THAT guy, but how do you deal with the situation or know if it’s right!!!) – it’s AWESOME!! God, through His Word, has given me so much strength to deal with every worry!!!! I don’t need to think too much about or overanalyse anything (a BIG relief for any woman!!), and just enjoy the feeling of freedom that comes from knowing that GOD is in charge!!!
I just want to share a story from my life that speaks of God’s amazing strength in a situation that is far from everyday. A few months ago, a family friend in NZ took his life. He was a wonderful man, with a Beautiful, Amazing wife and three Amazing daughters. Hearing the news, my first reaction was one of shock and I was actually pretty numb, not even upset, because it didn’t register, and it was in NZ, which is so far away from Japan that it didn’t really feel real.
Then I called my parents.
And they were quiet, but composed. Speaking to my father, a strong Christian, I told him that I believed, deep in my heart, that this man who had passed away was in Heaven.
I believe this because Our God is a loving and compassionate God, not a rigid God of rules, but a personal God who sent His Son Jesus, to BE us, to die for us and to LIVE amongst us so that He could return to Heaven as a representative for us, kind-of like our own Personal Ambassador in Heaven. For that reason, He knows our pain and struggles. This family friend had been dealing with depression and stress for quite some time prior to his death. Jesus KNOWS what it’s like to be us, to live as humans, and he understands our pain. So I think that God examines the circumstances of our lives and doesn’t judge us coldly. I believe that with all of my heart.
When I told my Dad this, that I believed that this dearly beloved friend had gone to be with God, my father broke down and started crying and that was when it really hit me that I was very far, physically, from my parents, during this very difficult time. I felt really sad after that and on the train on the way home, I broke down and was just bawling (the people around me were a bit uncomfortable, I think….). I didn’t really talk much to God about it either. I said that I knew He was with me, but wasn’t bringing myself to Him, so was left feeling extremely sad and depressed.
The next day, I was in Starbucks and was feeling pretty numb still and quite…grey, is probably a good word to describe it. I was reading my Bible and decided to just ask God about it…I’d been lucky enough to be working with a Christian co-worker at Ikebukuro Berlitz earlier in the day and had told her about how I’d been feeling and she’d told me to just ask Him questions and basically have it out with Him…so I did. I cried and asked Him why I was far from my family and why this had happened. He responded. Not with the answers I’d been demanding, but with words that were more than enough and, as is so perfectly God, all that I needed to hear:
“I’m with you.”
Hearing these words, I believed them and surrended myself to His love, and at that moment, I felt such peace and joy and I could feel invisible arms holding me…with my eyes closed, not distracted by what they could (visibly) perceive, I was locked in the embrace of a physical, tangible Father.
That occurence was actually some months ago now, but it’s still so fresh and clear in my mind, the comfort of a Heavenly Father, when my own father was physically out-of-reach.
That’s one of the most awesome things about God….He will never leave us nor forsake us (Joshua 1:5). The old Church hymns call Him, “omnipresent,”…in words that I know, He’s right by me, everyday, all day….24/7!!
Hope this story strengthens you.
Love and God bless,
Nicky xxoo
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